May 29, 2007 by lijluvr356
The winds of change are upon us! Perhaps you are selling your car? YOU ARE?!?
Having a hard time???
YOU ARE?!?!
Well, here I have compiled the definitive answer to your problems!!!
Simply follow the instructions below (for a minimal cost):
How to sell a car fast!!!! (HUMOR)
Set-up:
-1 car (good condition)
-1 cell-phone (junky is O.K.
-lots of poster paint
-a red carpet leading to the door of the house of the people you’re trying to sell it to
-several crappy actors
Now, put the car in front of a rich person (here-after referred to as your quarry)’s house
Write the following all over it and in a pamphlet with a sticker on the front saying, “warning: contains nudity” as an attention grabber >.<
- For Sale! $6,000! CHEAP!!!
- Use cell-phone glued to window to call us! (Speed dial 1!)
- FREE car wash every month by your choice of either 6 Norwegian girls wearing tight-fitting white garments OR 6 topless island honeys with grass skirts!
- FREE chauffeur (uniform with your color choice included)
- complimentary TOOTHPICKS with purchase!!!
- chocolates or mints (your choice) on your car seat pillows every morning!
- INSURANCE COVERAGE INCLUDED!!!
- FREE maid in FRENCH UNIFORM to clean out your ASH TRAY (promptly at 5-7 pm.)!!!
- KNIGHT wearing AUTHENTIC PLATE and CHAIN-MAIL ARMOR to guard your car when you leave it!!! (Als0: burglar alarm that says, “HEY!!! <insert name here>‘S CAR IS BEING STOLEN! IT IS AT <location–provided by ON-STAR> WITH THE LICENSE PLATE NUMBER <licence plate number>. THE CRIMINAL IS A <brief description of criminal, including height, weight, hair/skin/eye color, favorite food, whether or not they like long walks on the beach, and ANY EMBARRASSING DETAILS IN THEIR ENTRIES ON MYSPACE OR FACEBOOK!!!>“ (who wants to have that blared across a parking lot by the mall?!)
- spacious interior!! DOOR UNLOCKED for easier viewing!!!
- GREAT HANDLING!! KEY IN IGNITION to test for yourself!!!
- DOCUMENTS PREPARED FOR SIGNING, LEGALESE, ETC!!! IN A BEAUTIFUL GAZEBO!!! WITH A LOVELY VIEW!!!
- a bouncer standing outside gazebo with a clip board
- bouncer asks for name and credit card number of the people, checks “LIST” and says, “YOU’RE COOL.” before unlocking the chain barrier
- several crappy actors to stand outside saying, “WOW! ONLY $6,000!” “I KNOW!!! JUST THINK OF THAT!!” “I SURE WISH THE WIFE WOULD LET ME GET ANOTHER CAR!!” “HECK, I’D LEAVE MY WIFE TO GET THIS CAR!!”
- FREE RADAR to FOOL TRAFFIC LIGHTS!!!
- ALL POLICE STATIONS within 200 miles BRIBED to ignore you if you get caught
- NO SPEEDING TICKETS GUARANTEED!!
And now the brilliant money-making part: TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN!!!!!!
PLEASE SEND ME ANY IDEAS ANYONE GETS!!! ACCEPTING ADDITIONS!!! (I WILL CITE YOU!)
reviews about this post so far:
“[Two] thumbs [way] up[!!!!!!!!]“–My own mother…
“What the he***[a GOOD job!!!]“–My dad
“[I'm] *screaming* [with delight]“–My brother
“thanks for the support, you guys!” –me…
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May 15, 2007 by lijluvr356
A tiger going for a stroll
Met an old man and ate him whole
The old man shouted and he jumped
The tiger’s stomach churned and bumped
The other tigers said, “Now, really,
We hear your breakfast much too clearly!”
The moral is, he should have chewed.
It does no good to bolt one’s food.Nine mice on tiny tricycles went riding on the ice.
They rode in spite of warning signs, they rode despite advice.
The signs were right: the ice was thin,
In half a trice the mice fell in
And from their chins down to their toes,
Those mice entirely froze.
Nine mindless mice who paid the price
Are thawing slowly on the ice,
Still sitting on their tricycles,
Nine white and shining micycles.
Now I lay me down to sleep
In mud that’s many fathoms deep.
If i’m not here when you awake,
Just hunt me with an oyster rake.
No Theme
by Adam
This poem has no theme,
Just a brilliant rhyme sceme,
An internal rhyme from time to time,
And several stunningly superb alliterations.
An approximate rhyme can be found around here,
It’s very near,
And it’s really quite fine, but now it is gone,
And will never return again.
Ample alliterations abound in this poem,
Enough to fill up a sizable tome,
And internal rhymes are incredibly plentiful,
Because they are such a great trait.
As I have said before,
This poem has wonderful traits by the score,
But the one thing that it lacks,
Is a theme.
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